Dementia Tip #4: Don’t ask for permission


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Today’s topic is all about how dementia is more of a beg for forgiveness rather than ask for permission group of diseases.

This means that if you are looking to move your loved one with dementia into assisted living or maybe you’re looking to take them to the doctor. Maybe you’re just looking to get them up to go to the bathroom, and they’re like, no, they’re not having it. I’ve had a lot of people come to me and say, Hey, I really want to do this. I need to take my loved one with dementia to the doctor but they don’t want to come with me.

They don’t want to move to assisted living. Bad news. Dementia is very much a beg-for-forgiveness group of diseases. You cannot wait for somebody with dementia to tell you that it’s okay to move them because you’re never ever going to get their permission.

People with dementia do not give out permission. And here’s the other thing. If you don’t want to leave your loved one with dementia home alone because you’re afraid that they can’t take care of themselves, you’re afraid they’re going to wander out of the house or they’re going to leave the oven on, why would you let them make any other decisions for themselves? Really, they can’t make those kinds of decisions and unfortunately, it falls on you as the caregiver to be the person to make those choices for them. You have to be able to say, this is what we’re doing. I know you don’t like it. But we have to do it.

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Rachael Wonderlin is an internationally-recognized dementia care expert and consultant. She has a Master’s in Gerontology and is the author of three published books with Johns Hopkins University Press. Rachael owns Dementia By Day, a dementia care consulting and education company.

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