Hi Rachael. I would like to know how to direct my mom on how to best respond to my dad (who has MCI) when discussing money, bills, etc? He knows that she takes care of the bills and because they’re on a tight budget, they don’t have a lot of money left so when he looks at the bank statement, he automatically assumes that she is spending the money. Everyday he argues with her about where the money is being spent and every time she shows him what has been paid. What should she do?

Hi, thanks for writing in! I actually have a video on a similar topic. My first question is: how is he looking at the bank statement? Where does he see it–does it come in the mail? Maybe it would be possible to change the mail settings so that it doesn’t arrive at all. The inherent problem is that we really can’t “make” him understand why or where the money is going, or at least, we can’t get him to remember these things. My first instinct is to suggest you all find ways to avoid this conversation entirely, since talking about it gets nobody anywhere (besides frustrated and tired!) 

The reason he’s asking about it is because he feels a loss of control. He used to be involved in money-related decisions. Is there a way you can involve him? Maybe asking him for help, saying, “Can you help me make a budget? You’ve always been so great with money!” Make him feel important and necessary. 

And, if there’s zero way to avoid it, can you fudge some statements? I don’t mean going though the trouble of calling the bank, I just mean having her write up a budget of “what she’s been spending” (not necessarily accurately) and then having that available for him. 

Published by rachaelwonderlin

www.dementia-by-day.com

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