My husband has been in a quality memory care community for almost 6 months. I love the people and the quality of care that he's getting… and I suspect he does too. But when I show up (almost daily) he starts complaining and wanting to 'get out of this place'. Today I went in to reports of how much he enjoyed the van ride this morning… and he was showing his good mood when I visited. But then it turned, as it so often does and he became a crying mess. I wonder if I should not visit so often.

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Hi, thanks for writing in! I wouldn’t recommend visiting less often, but instead trying more structured visits. For example, find out when they are doing a bus ride and plan to go along. You may find that when you’re both participating in activities, he’s enjoying himself and enjoying your company while thinking less about going home.

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Rachael Wonderlin has a Master’s in Gerontology and is the author of two published books with Johns Hopkins University Press. She owns Dementia By Day, a dementia care consulting company.

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