My mother is 92 and has vascular dementia. Let me explain that my mother was always an angry, vindictive person to her children. Her visits usually ended with her getting mad because we wouldn't do something she wanted so she just packed up and left without a word. I am caring for her in my home now. She has extremely bad paranoia and thinks I am stealing from her and hiding her things. She will scream, yell and cuss me out several times a day. What am I supposed to do? At wits end. Thank you.

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Hi, I’m sorry that you are going through this. Honestly, my best answer is to get her into a dementia care community. This probably won’t get better, and it just sounds like someone else would have an easier time caring for her. Don’t feel guilty: this is just what you need to do for your mother, and also for you. You deserve good care, and so does she, and she’s not going to get it when she’s resisting all of your help.

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Rachael Wonderlin is an internationally-recognized dementia care expert and consultant. She has a Master’s in Gerontology and is the author of three published books with Johns Hopkins University Press. Rachael owns Dementia By Day, a dementia care consulting and education company.

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